I would never imagined that next time that I see D, she will be in a box called coffin. I was told that I would have to wear something red because that was her last request: ask everyone to wear red for me, not black or white. Well, D, don’t you worry. I will pick the “redest” of the red, to cherish your moment. As loud as red, her life and heart.

This is the second time that I witness a loss. Dr. Khalifa was the first one. He was a professor in political science and he has his own school. At the time, my English was so poor that I had to carry a dictionary with me all the time, but he never made fun of me. I had a part time job in his school. I remember once someone asked me: how do you find Montreal? I did not get the question at all. I was thinking, how? Do I find? What does it mean? How do I find? On the map? The internet? Or what? That was an embarrassing moment because the question was so simple and my face was so red. “ She finds Montreal is very attractive; in fact she is in love with the city. Right, Jingjing?” Dr. Khalifa answered for me, with a sip of tea.

I was in a very confusing stage at that time. Dr. Khalifa talked to me many times; whatever he said seemed light but felt heavy afterwards. He taught how to laugh at yourself and move on. I couldn’t communicate with him very well because of my limited language ability. Looking back, I really wish that I could understand him better and have one last long talk with him.

He died of a heart attack. He was 70. He invited me for Sushi on my 20^th birthday. I loved sushi ever since.

As for D, she had a rare cancer, of her eye. It was so aggressive. It took over her lung, and her life. Very fast, from the first day she went into the hospital till she asked everyone to wear red, not more than 10days. Maybe it’s a treat. Less pain,  less waiting. She was, oh my God, I wrote “WAS” , a very pound person. If she had to lose all her hair and suffer from the treatments, I bet she ‘d rather die. Then, she always had plans for the future. She said to me that she was going to the states for her grandchildren. D wears make up and perfume. She carried herself as a lady. She left, she is only 55.

Dr. Khalifa is sleeping on the valley of “ Mont-Royal”. My own eyes saw how the box went in to the ground. As it disappeared in front of my eye, I could hear Dr. Khalifa was saying: “ Man, I can’t believe all these people actually showed up.” As years go by, I sometimes see him sitting his favorite coffee shop or chatting with someone on the street. When that happens,  I immediately turn my head to another direction. I ‘d rather believe that was him, not some other people deceived my eyes.

I have many pictures of D in my computer. I recalled that we have breakfast in Chez Cora many times. See? This picture, she is having her pie.  I can’t accept the fact that she is gone forever. Who is going to correct my French now?

This is one of the moments that I wish I am religious, so that I can convince myself that they are still existing, somewhere around; so that I can tell myself that they know I miss them deeply and thank them for everything; so that I will keep hoping they will smile back to me, in my dream.